Rule 1 - The Player and the Round
The Grounds Crew convenes to address the most basic question in recreational golf: who are you, and what exactly are you doing out here. Rule 1 establishes the round, the parking-lot excuses that bind it, and the single good shot you are permitted to talk about for the rest of your natural life. It is reproduced below in full.
The Rule (reproduced verbatim from the Dad Golf Handbook)
Purpose of Rule: establishes who you are out here and what this is.
1.1 A round of Dad Golf begins when the first excuse is made and ends when the last lie about the score is accepted.
1.1a Excuses made in the parking lot ("haven't played in months," "new grips," "slept weird") are binding and must be referenced by the Crew after every bad shot for the remainder of the round.
1.1b A player who says "I've been playing really well lately" on the first tee has invoked the Curse and shall receive no sympathy for anything that follows.
1.2 All players are entitled to exactly one (1) good shot per nine holes. This shot must be discussed for a minimum of two holes and referenced again at the bar.
1.2a A good shot immediately followed by "I'm figuring it out" voids the shot's discussion rights. You are not figuring it out. Nobody has ever figured it out.
1.3 The round is played in the spirit of mutual destruction. Every player roasts every player. The golf is the target. The golfer is family.
PENALTY FOR BREACH OF RULE 1: one beer, plus the Crew selects your excuse for the next round.
Official Ruling 1.2/1: Shrey striped a 4-iron to eight feet on the 3rd and mentioned it on the 4th, 7th, 9th, 12th, and twice at the bar. The Committee finds this within his rights under 1.2, but notes he also three-putted the eight-footer, which the Crew may reference forever.
Play it in the spirit of mutual destruction, and remember that the golf is the target while the golfer is family. Court is adjourned to the first tee.